A Body at Rest

In the first few months of summer, I finished grad school (second masters degree), directed my first professional production, got married, and started a new job.

After all of that, I wanted rest. And it felt good. I read a bunch of YA fantasy books, got to spend all the time I wanted with my wife, and found a few new hobbies. After that break, I said yes to doing a few short term acting gigs (some professional, some academic), dabbled in graphic design again, and then… lulled again. Which is where I am now. 

I’m not reading anything consistently besides the Washington Post, I’m not writing anything (not even tweets or FB statuses), and I’ve let my new found hobbies slip away. Without rehearsal warm ups or the need to walk to work, I’m not particularly active. 

I think part of my hang up is that I haven’t stopped living like a full time student–like my time is not my own, but normally absorbed by school, or rehearsal, or work. During grad school, I worked at least 2 jobs the entire time while managing classes, rehearsals, friendships, and a burgeoning relationship with Kendra (all at different levels of success throughout the year).

Now I have one very low stress job, a beautiful marriage, friendships (but many moved away post graduation), and… a fish? It used to be I had to hoard my free time carefully, and use it to recharge my exhausted introverted soul, usually in the form of feel-good television. Now that I have all the time I need, I continue to do my “recharge” activities even when I don’t need it. I don’t start new projects or plan activities for myself; I just… dwaddle. I dwaddle on social media, I dwaddle on my phone, I dwaddle around the house. 

I’m not unhappy; I’m directionless. My focus is nonexistent. And because of that, I’m focusing on useless or even harmful things. 

I’m becoming more critical of myself and a nasty internal voice I haven’t heard for years is back. 

I’m spending more time on social media but simultaneously creating less content.

I’m procrastinating the tasks I do have to do, just because I can making me more listless and disheartened. 

What’s a soul to do?

Well, I just need to do things. Intentionally, not accidentally. One of those things, is get back to writing; hence this blog post. A few more things: 

  • Cut back on social media. This might mean deleting accounts, but I haven’t yet decided. 
  • Get into my hobbies. Again, I’ve got a few I started to look into, but they’ve fallen away. I’m definitely committing to work on my new fish tank more though. 
  • Read more. I want to find away to get my voracious pre-grad school reading habit back. First on the docket, My Own Devices by Dessa Wander and Adventures of a Young Naturalist by David Attenborough.
  • Incorporate physical activities into my daily/weekly schedule. K and I have recently gotten into rock climbing, so we are gonna keep that up, but I’d also love to rediscover yoga as a daily practice, even if only for a few minutes. 
  • Cook and bake more. I used to make my own meals a lot, and I think I liked it. Its time for me to find my own recipes and figure out how to get all the components of a meal ready at the same time. 

I recently saw somewhere–twitter maybe?–that motivation comes from action. That whole “a body at rest stays in rest; a body in motion stays in motion” thing apparently applies to the likelihood of me sitting on my phone all evening as well as how our physical universe works. 

The rest has been good and much needed, but its time to get this body in motion again and see where it takes me. 


(Re)Search Update

Hello Friends!

I am learning exciting things and while I am proud to that I am documenting them in a properly-MLA-formatted annotated bibliography, I wanted to document them here for anyone who might be curious about textbook printing practices in America at the start of the 20th century and how it pertains to Shakespeare. Continue reading (Re)Search Update

Beginning the (Re)search

I find the term “research” odd. I’m not doing something a second time, so why the “re” prefix? I’m searching for the first time. I know full well the OED has a perfectly adequate etymological explanation, but I question the term not only for its surface inaccuracy, but also because I find the term “search” more exciting. It lets me feel like Indiana Jones.

Not only does conceptualizing this as a search allow me more agency, the title alludes to my mildly alarming lack of direction. In the three months I have been working on this thesis–working be a very generous term for my accomplishments last month–I have developed three different abstracts, not merely in form but in content. And I highly doubt that I have settled on to the content that will remain constant through the year.

Despite that uncertainty, the past week of delving into my topic–the form of early paperback printings of Shakespeare’s individual plays in America–has been positively electrifying. I’ve chased many rabbits, most of them resulting only in metaphorical dirty boots and literal wasted time, but I’ve found a few gems along the way.

I’ve looked through dozens of articles, checked out books from three libraries, and given the poor people at the ILL offices their fair share of work for the week. I’ve even bought myself some copies of a 1911 paperback printing of Shakespeare’s plays.

I’ve learned more about paperback printing and cover design in the early 20th century than I ever thought I would know, and it is simultaneously thrilling and terrifying to think that I have just scratched the surface.

Basically, it’s going to be a wild ride and I cannot wait to see where it takes me.


The world has been a rather terrible place recently.

First, the attacks and negativity from the presidential candidates fills the spaces when another national crisis or tragedy doesn’t demand headline space.

Then, the Stanford rapist received an unbelievably lenient sentence, simultaneously highlighting the racism, sexism, and classism in society, as well as the massive holes in our justice system.

And those are just events in the United States, not counting the tragedy, war, and violence around the world.

Now, the terrorist attacks at the gay dance club in Orlando has destroyed innumerable lives and families.

I don’t know how to respond. Continue reading Processing

Year (D)one.

This morning, I finished the last of the requirements for my first year of graduate school;  such an event should, probably, be marked with some self-reflection.

The year has been good. Challenging, and frustrating, and confusing, but very very good. Challenges were met, frustrations were overcome, and confusions were clarified. Naturally, new ones spring up immediately, but the obstacles make the journey interesting, so I won’t complain.

When you love something, someplace, or even someone, there’s a natural hesitance to get to know it better, at least for me there is. A year ago (to the day actually), I was ending my time at Messiah–a school I grew to love, but my time there did not start that way–and looking towards starting my time at MBC–a town and school I loved from my first google search. So, when the time came to move and start classes, I felt scared to get up close and personal with something, someplace, I adored from a distance.

My fears were unfounded.

Not to say everything here is perfect–there are plenty of quirks and issues–but the issues that we face are superficial, not integral. The actualities of the program and company might be imperfect, but the people working with and through them are good people attempting to do good things.

Reflecting on this year, the number of amazing opportunities I have had astounds me.

Within a month of starting classes, I performed on the Blackfriars Stage in a staged reading of The False One.

Over the course of a weekend, I heard more brilliant thoughts and met more brilliant scholars than ever before.

In my first semester, I performed as Hamlet, the Gravedigger, and Beatrice.

In the span of two weeks, I helped mount of a full production of The City Nightcap with Sweet Wag Shakespeare.

In my second semester, I directed one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite shows with some my favorite people.

In the course of the year, I have seen dozens of performances at the American Shakespeare Center, all of which make me laugh or cry, or frequently both.

Over a semester, I delved deeply into Macbeth and mounted a pretty freaking awesome production with my classmates.

In ten rehearsals, under the direction of my mentor I took on my biggest (full) role to date, and not only ended up with a decent performance, but had a blast doing so and learned a ton.

Looking back on all of this, I don’t know what I did to be so lucky to be doing what I love, where I love, with people I love. I am humbled and confused and incandescently happy.

Let’s do it again next year, eh?


The State of the Finch

This has been a year of beginnings and ends, floundering and flourishing–a year of memories.

The adventures and misadventures of this year:

  1. I visited Mary Baldwin College for the first time, and fell in love.
  2. I developed an entire unit about A Thousand Splendid Suns for my senior students.
  3. I chatted with Michael Attenborough about As You Like It
  4. I was attached by a rabbit and have the scar to prove it.
  5. I met my neighbors for the first (and last) time as well all worked to dig out our cars from the snow.
  6. I got my students really engaged and interested in The Tempest and me, on my second to last day in the classroom.
  7. I called 911 for the first time.
  8. I buzzed the side of my head for an asymmetrical haircut.
  9. I spoke to my classmates about change and identity at the baccalaureate service.
  10. I said goodbye to Messiah College.
  11. I moved home.
  12. I experienced desperation and kindness in the search for a summer job.
  13. I danced like a monster at weddings and had no regrets.
  14. I fulfilled my childhood dream and became a “bologna cooker.”
  15. I said goodbye to my younger brother in thirty seconds as he left for West Point.
  16. I cried looking at the Milky Way in the mountains of Colorado.
  17. I went to the emergency room.
  18. I learned the basics on drumming.
  19. I applied to one grad school, and got in.
  20. I moved to Staunton Virginia, a year after I first visited and told myself I would one day live there.
  21. I was a bridesmaid and cried like a cliche romcom character.
  22. I not only played Hamlet in a scene, but thanks to amazing scene partners and a superb director, I got to explore him.
  23. I saw more lovely theatre than ever before, and have every intention to break that record this year.
  24. I cried listening to a lecture about Bottom in A Midsummer Nights Dream.
  25. I met brilliant Shakespearean scholars and didn’t make a complete idiot of myself.
  26. I shared a meal with two strangers because there were no more tables open.
  27. I was in a staged reading within a month of being in VA.
  28. I found that my classmates were more inspiring, challenging, and affirming than I could have ever imagined.
  29. I had a countless number of lazy days with my better half Alison.
  30. I played Dutch Blitz until I hated my entire family.
  31. I ran into the ocean with my four favorite people on Christmas Eve.
  32. I laughed until my sides hurt at a comedy show in NYC.

This has been an incredible year. For the majority of it, I have felt compelled to remind myself “Yes, this is real.” But more than my situation–where I live, what I study, etc.–the people that surround me take my breath away. The kindness, intelligence, humour, and humanity that I see around me astounds me. Without all of the people in my life, caring for me, checking in on me, encouraging me, this year would not have been the year it was. So thank you to all of those who have been with me through this year; I look forward to the next.


Thoughts On Gun Control

(Newly updated and tragically still relevant.)

According to the LA Times, since Sandy Hook there have been 144 shootings on school campuses across the nation, as well as numerous other acts of mass violence not on school grounds. If I reacted strongly to each time such a tragedy happened, I would not make it through the day.

Along with the death and pain from mass shootings, a huge number of people die and are injured in smaller altercations that have no need to escalate to deadly force. And adults and children are accidentally being injured and killed by weapons weekly.

Continue reading Thoughts On Gun Control

Cats and Dogs and #NotAllMen

Dear Man Who Catcalled Me,

Yes, I heard you.

I heard you the first time you said I was “looking good,” so there was no need to repeat yourself with increased volume. I thought my intentional indifference and quickened pace would let you know that I did not find your words flattering, but you still insisted on telling me how “fine” I was and that you “loved” me. Continue reading Cats and Dogs and #NotAllMen