In the first few months of summer, I finished grad school (second masters degree), directed my first professional production, got married, and started a new job.
After all of that, I wanted rest. And it felt good. I read a bunch of YA fantasy books, got to spend all the time I wanted with my wife, and found a few new hobbies. After that break, I said yes to doing a few short term acting gigs (some professional, some academic), dabbled in graphic design again, and then… lulled again. Which is where I am now.
I’m not reading anything consistently besides the Washington Post, I’m not writing anything (not even tweets or FB statuses), and I’ve let my new found hobbies slip away. Without rehearsal warm ups or the need to walk to work, I’m not particularly active.
I think part of my hang up is that I haven’t stopped living like a full time student–like my time is not my own, but normally absorbed by school, or rehearsal, or work. During grad school, I worked at least 2 jobs the entire time while managing classes, rehearsals, friendships, and a burgeoning relationship with Kendra (all at different levels of success throughout the year).
Now I have one very low stress job, a beautiful marriage, friendships (but many moved away post graduation), and… a fish? It used to be I had to hoard my free time carefully, and use it to recharge my exhausted introverted soul, usually in the form of feel-good television. Now that I have all the time I need, I continue to do my “recharge” activities even when I don’t need it. I don’t start new projects or plan activities for myself; I just… dwaddle. I dwaddle on social media, I dwaddle on my phone, I dwaddle around the house.
I’m not unhappy; I’m directionless. My focus is nonexistent. And because of that, I’m focusing on useless or even harmful things.
I’m becoming more critical of myself and a nasty internal voice I haven’t heard for years is back.
I’m spending more time on social media but simultaneously creating less content.
I’m procrastinating the tasks I do have to do, just because I can making me more listless and disheartened.
What’s a soul to do?
Well, I just need to do things. Intentionally, not accidentally. One of those things, is get back to writing; hence this blog post. A few more things:
- Cut back on social media. This might mean deleting accounts, but I haven’t yet decided.
- Get into my hobbies. Again, I’ve got a few I started to look into, but they’ve fallen away. I’m definitely committing to work on my new fish tank more though.
- Read more. I want to find away to get my voracious pre-grad school reading habit back. First on the docket, My Own Devices by Dessa Wander and Adventures of a Young Naturalist by David Attenborough.
- Incorporate physical activities into my daily/weekly schedule. K and I have recently gotten into rock climbing, so we are gonna keep that up, but I’d also love to rediscover yoga as a daily practice, even if only for a few minutes.
- Cook and bake more. I used to make my own meals a lot, and I think I liked it. Its time for me to find my own recipes and figure out how to get all the components of a meal ready at the same time.
I recently saw somewhere–twitter maybe?–that motivation comes from action. That whole “a body at rest stays in rest; a body in motion stays in motion” thing apparently applies to the likelihood of me sitting on my phone all evening as well as how our physical universe works.
The rest has been good and much needed, but its time to get this body in motion again and see where it takes me.